Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The Deviant Nerd - Waking Up From The Dream Girl

Waking Up From The Dream Girl
The Deviant Nerd
Brought to you by SyncKink.com, a free, BDSM-friendly, digital, safe space for fetishists.

Question: Hey Pip,

I’m a twenty-five-year-old guy and I’ve been in love with the same girl for fourteen years. We were childhood sweethearts, really. We spend all our time together and are the picture of happiness.

The thing is…she’s not real.

I mean, maybe she is. A lot of times, I’ll think about her out there in the world somewhere thinking about me. I’ll think of all the ways we’ll meet and what our lives will be like when we finally do.

She’s kinda short, definitely like 5’3” or so, so she’s not taller than me but still in non-awkward kissable range. She has this amazing blond hair, like sunlight on your pillow first thing in the morning. She’s curvy, you know, not too thin but still healthy with a body that I can really hold on to—if you know what I mean ;)

But more than that, she’s really nice. Loves to play video games and going to indie rock concerts with me. She likes comedies, but not the dumb rom-com ones. She loves Thai food and dessert, but prefers to cook rather than eat out.

And she’s submissive. Like, a true submissive. Who loves to serve me and is happiest when she knows I’m happy. And she’s really into bondage. She only feels really right when tied up or restrained and at my mercy. She’s not really into pain, but she lets me spank her and beat her with toys because she knows it pleases me. She might cry a little, but she never denies me. And, secretly, she likes it because she knows it turns me on.

Pretty much, she’s everything I could ever want and I honestly think I’m in love with her. Like we’re soulmates and no one else will do.

And, there were even a few times that I thought I’d found her. Dated girls who looked just like her or seemed like they could be her, but they never are.

I worry that I’ll never meet her and be alone forever, in love with a girl I’ve never even met.

What do I do? Do I settle for something less? Or keep up the search?

Have You Seen Her?


Pip: Hey Seen,

I think we’ve all done this. We’ve all made up Dream Girls and Prince Charmings in our minds who we’d hoped would sweep in and make fairytales of our lives.

But most of us realize that those dreams are just that, fantasies. They don’t exist in real life. Not really.

And, I know, we were all promised that someday our prince will come. And that the one is out there. But they won’t and they aren’t. Because they can’t. 

Because fantasies can’t exist in reality.

You have this exacting image of what your dream girl looks like in your head. She’s beautiful. Flawless. Exactly what you’ve always dreamed of. But no one looks like that outside a magazine. Because everybody’s got flaws. 

Not even really flaws. Rather, distinguishing characteristics. And, often, it’s those odd and unusual qualities about a person that become the most attractive features. A gap in their teeth that shows every time they smile honestly. The left breast that is slightly smaller than the right that she obsesses over and convinces herself makes her ugly but fits perfectly in your hands. Hell, it could even be the Donald Duck tattoo that she has on her ass that she can’t remember getting but doesn’t have the heart to get removed. 

These are the things we remember. These are the details that not only tell us what a person looks like physically, but who they are as a person. And those are the things you can’t imagine right now on your own; you can only discover them with someone else. And, if you spend all your time looking for a list of features from your dreams, you’re going to miss out on all the other discoveries you could find in a real person.

Added to this, you’re very specific about what you want and what you’re looking for personality-wise and are disappointed and disillusioned when you can’t find it. The fact is no one person is going to be into everything you are. And any girl you meet is going to have interests and a life of her own. 

And you’re going to want that.

No one wants to date themselves. You think you do—a lot of us did, at one point or another—but you don’t. You already have you; wouldn’t you get bored with a spare? You want someone who shares your interests, sure, but you also want someone who brings something new to the table. Because she’s going to be the person who introduces you to all these new things. And you’re going to be the person who gives her new experiences. Together, you are going to be the reason you both grow into better, more interesting people.

And, as for looking for a true submissive. Aw, honey, you are looking for what EVERY male Dom out there fantasizes about. The perfect sub. They don’t exist. And you are shooting yourself in the foot by holding out for her. 

Because real life kinky girls hate guys who obsess over perfect dream girls, especially if they’re rejecting real women in favor of the fantasy. Because those guys have this unrealistic laundry list of all the things they expect you to be, do, and say, while expecting you to take them as is, which is far from flawless. Those guys don’t deserve a real woman; they deserve to be left alone with their wank fodder.

Don’t be that guy. 

Because as much as I don’t like him—as much as other girls and people in general don’t like him—he will hate himself and the hole he’s dug for himself by holding so hard to that dream. Because his fascination with perfection will leave him alone and unhappy for the rest of his life. 

Because, even if he found the girl in his dreams, he still wouldn’t be happy with her because no one can live up to a dream girl. Because real women have bad days, bad moods, PMS, screw ups. We fart. We piss. We get sick. We have our own fantasies and limits and they will not always or even likely line up exactly with his. 

Guys—and, yes, girls (we do it too)—who focus so much on the fantasy, can never be happy with reality because reality can never be fantasy. 

And, I get it, dreaming and loving this girl before you’ve even meet is a popular and romantic notion. But loving perfection isn’t hard. Finding someone who fits your every desire isn’t actually all that romantic. 

It’s convenient. 

Finding someone you click with and making it work, that’s love. And that isn’t settling; that—that effort and that commitment—is how you know that person was worth the search.

Pip, Your Resident Deviant Nerd

* If you have a sex, kink, love, or life question for The Deviant Nerd, email Pip at PipJones.DeviantNerd@gmail.com
And read more about Pips story in Brought to You By.

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