Thursday, September 22, 2016

F*ck Yes - She Posted That?!

We still too often think of porn as an exclusively or even primarily male-consumed media. But it’s not. And we need to not just accept and acknowledge that, we need to embrace it.

I love so much about this video. First off, again, points for diversity in casting and portraying interracial relationships well.

Second, I love that, while it acknowledges that we do have an unfair and statistically inaccurate cultural assumption about porn, it never shames the woman in the story for consuming or enjoying it.

In fact, I love—love, love, love—her partner’s reaction to catching her looking at porn. Not only does he not shame her, he genuinely wants to know what she’s into so they can explore it together. But all the while without pressure; when she gets uncomfortable, he reassures her that she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to.  Beautifully done!

Again, it demonstrates that idea that, often, when you present what you want in a fun, no-pressure kind of way, even if you get a no now, making a person comfortable and letting them know that it really is up to them and that you honestly care about whether or not they also want what you want, it can open people up to the possibility. We need to learn to prioritize partnered pleasure in sex. Not only will it make your partners happier and more fulfilled, but it’ll make sure you have better sex too.

Lastly, it’s so great that they completely bust the myth that porn is something only sad, lonely, unhealthy people do, shrouded in shadows and shame. No! Porn can be part of a healthy solo sex life, whether you're partnered or not, as well as a completely healthy and totally fun partnered sex activity. Studies show that watching porn with your partner can help you explore new ideas and positions and kinks that you hadn’t before. It can help you learn more about each other and what turns each other on.

They also posted a great video about the worst sex advice they’d ever received. Personally, I have to echo the awful advice almost everyone got about sex being less sexy when you talk about it. The idea that, somehow—unlike any other skill we have—we all naturally are born knowing how to do it and do it perfectly is crazy. That we should somehow be born experts at it despite the wide variety of ways to have sex. Despite the incredible diverse people, all with their own diverse set of preferences and types of bodies and experiences, we could have sex with.  For god’s sake, we all had to learn how to read, how to talk, how to walk, how to freakin’ feed ourselves, but sex—this incredibly complex and ever-evolving thing—is something that we never have to talk about or learn about or practice? Really? That’s insane.

And, remember, please check out F*ck Yes’s youtube channel, share the videos, and help fund it. We need more sexy stories filled with enthusiastic consent and they are helping to make that possible.

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