Friday, September 23, 2016
F*ck Yes – Fingers
This is actually my favorite F*ck Yes video so far (hence why I saved it for last). It just speaks to me so much.
First, again, diversity points for including explicitly LGBTQ+ people in your videos. Their stories are important and beautiful and need to be told more. Lovely!
Two, as a switch, I used to think it was so sexy to tell tops that they could “do whatever they wanted.” Now, as someone who tops too, let me tell you, it is not. It, for me (and a lot of tops), is one of the LEAST sexy things you can say to someone. Because it puts all the pressure and responsibility and expectation on me. As a bottom, I know, I used to think that this was giving my tops all the freedom and choice in the world. In reality, it feels paralyzing. By telling me I can do everything, I feel like I can’t do anything for the very rightful fear that, without clear limits and preferences established, I could unintentionally cross boundaries that I didn’t know were there. It’s asking me to cross a minefield and make it sexy. No. Just never. Tell me what you want; it’s not easy—believe me, as a bottom too, I know—but it is soooooo much sexier.
However, that said, I do love that this couple handles this in a sexy, encouraging, sex-positive way. Especially, since, when I’ve been in this situation before, I’ve struggled, as both a top and a bottom, to do the same. It’s sweet. It’s sexy. And perfect proof that communication and consent make sex so much better.
And, remember, please check out F*ck Yes’s youtube channel, share the videos, and help fund it. We need more sexy stories filled with enthusiastic consent and they are helping to make that possible.