Tuesday, September 20, 2016


There are a few of things I really love about this video. 

One, gotta love the use of actors of color. Well-done diversity always gets points in my book.

Two, I love the awkwardness and humor around it. So much of our storytelling surrounding sex is so serious and pristine. Everything works right. No one gets rejected. The script never falters. Life so very rarely ever works like that. As someone who does love putting a good awkward moment or two in my sex scenes, I love that both characters recognize and address it.

Three, I love that, when the guy realizes that he’s messed up, he takes her no seriously. He doesn’t try to weasel out of it. Doesn’t try to neg or barter or beg for a yes. He accepts it for the answer it is, not the one he wants but the one that he got, and lets it be. It’s an attractive quality. It may not get you a yes, like it does in this film, but it’ll still make you a better lover by proving that you care about your partners’—even your potential partners’—pleasure and consent. Like I’ve said before, “accept the answer you’re given. Whatever it is. Because the best way to turn an initial ‘no’ into permanent ‘never’ is to be pushy or pouty about it.”

And, lastly, of course, I love, love, love the overall takeaway message of the film. As they put it in the description, “Lesson: If you ask for what you *actually* want, you might *actually* get it.” A message I’ve ranted about before. You greatly increase your odds of getting what you want, if you just ask for it. Don’t ask for something (pie) and expect something else (sex) because you’ll be setting yourself and your partner up for failure and disappointment. Be honest and upfront in a fun and sex positive way; believe me, it’s far more attractive than the alternative.

And, remember, please check out F*ck Yes’s youtube channel, share the videos, and help fund it. We need more sexy stories filled with enthusiastic consent and they are helping to make that possible. 

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