Sunday, January 26, 2014

The Deviant Nerd - Don’t Be Someone’s Angry Tumblr Post

Don’t Be Someone’s Angry Tumblr Post
The Deviant Nerd
Brought to you by Bits ‘n’ Pieces, where lingerie is more than a luxury, it’s a way of life.

QuestionHey Pip,

Last weekend, I introduced my new girlfriend to my friends and, while it all went fine, I guess, afterward, my friends sort of joked that I’m racist. See, I’m white, but four out of the six relationships I’ve had in my life, including this one, have been with Asian girls. 

And, even though I kinda laughed it off at the time, now, it’s messing with my head. When I was younger, I was really into anime and Japanese culture. Still am now, but not to the same degree. And, it’s not like I don’t find other types of women attractive, but, I don’t know, I just really find Asian women really beautiful.

I mean, I have friends who prefer blonds over brunettes or bigger boobs over smaller ones or tall women over shorter ones. Is liking Asian women over other types really that different? I don’t feel like I’m fetishizing my girlfriends, but does the fact that I’ve mostly dated Asian girls make me some kind of racist?

Am I That Guy?


Pip: Hey That Guy,

So are you some kind of racist?

Hmmm, I guess that entirely depends on how you treat your girlfriends. To be fair, considering your history—loving anime and Japanese culture, your dating history, the women you go for—yeah, I can see how your friends may have gotten there. It sounds like you just might have an Asian fetish.

But does that make you a racist? Is it necessarily, always and already, a bad thing?

Exactly as you said—just like guys who prefer blond or more endowed or taller women—most everyone’s got a type they gravitate to, that they find themselves inexplicably drawn and attracted to. And, for you, that type is Asian women. And, for the most part, I think that’s awesome.

Just so long as you remember that people—blond, brunette, endowed or not-so-much, tall, short, Asian, white, whatever—are people first. Are absolutely and without exception more than just that feature you’re initially attracted to.

So take a good look at why you prefer Asian women. Is it because, as you say, you find them aesthetically beautiful? Because something about the way they look and sound and feel is just inexplicably appealing?

Or is it that you like the idea of Asian women? 

You said you’ve watched a lot of anime. You’ve immersed yourself in Japanese culture. There’s a good chance you have a certain idea of what it means to be an Asian woman because of all that. And that certain idea—particularly among Asian American women—may not be true. The idea that they’re shy and submissive. Or giggly and perky. Or mysterious and exotic.

I guarantee you, not every Asian woman is going to fit that description all the time. Because, again, people are people; they aren’t cultures or cartoons. And it is racist to take a whole and complete person and rewrite their specific personal history and experiences to fit ideas and expectations you have because of things you’ve seen or read. To assume that, based solely on what they look like, you know what type of person they are. 

As odd as it sounds, when it comes to the physical types you’re attracted to—Asians, blondes, redheads, BBWs, etc.—it’s actually less objectifying to find them attractive because of what they look like than because of how you think they are or ought to be.

Hey, if you like (insert type here: Asians, blondes, redheads, BBWs, etc.)? 

Yay! Like I said, everyone’s got a type.

Think they’re sexy? 

Super yay! Who doesn’t love to know people find them attractive? If you’re (insert type here), you want to be with someone who finds that type beautiful. Who is turned on by what you have to offer.

But—and it’s a big, big, BIG but—if you think (insert type here) is (insert stereotype here: easy, sexually freaky, shy and submissive, desperate, etc.) because of that, that’s when you end up the subject of someone’s angry tumblr post. And rightfully so.

You should be attracted to the people you’re into. And you should never let anyone make you feel ashamed about it. So long as you’re into them because you’re drawn to who they are—what they look like as well as the person their lives and experiences have made them—not who you expect them to be based on how they look. 

Because, while you may have a fetish—and that’s normal and okay—the people you date should never be treated as if they are fetishes. 

– Pip, Your Resident Deviant Nerd

* If you have a sex, kink, love, or life question for The Deviant Nerd, email Pip at
And read more about Pips story in Brought to You By.

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