The Deviant Nerd
Brought to you by The Taming School, for when you want curling up with a good book to feel like a good post-coital cuddle.
So I love dirty talk. It totally turns me on. But I’m dating a guy who can’t call my body parts what they are. Try as I might I can’t get him to call my pussy a pussy. Instead, he uses words like “box” and “flower” and “kitten” and I can’t stand it. It is a total libido-killer. How can I get him to stop?
– Euthanize the Euphemisms
Pip: Hey Euphemisms,
Huh, I’ve heard “box” and “flower” before, but “kitten” is new. And a little weird. Like pussyfooting your way toward “pussy.” I mean, couldn’t he at least go for a cat-related nickname that didn’t sound like half a step away from baby talk (unless that's your thing, but it doesn’t sound like it is)? At least, “tiger” would make it sound powerful. “Kitten,” in this context, sounds like cat pedophilia.
But, as for getting him to stop, does he know that you don’t like the nicknames he’s given your pussy? Because he may be thinking that he’s lavishing your lady bits with cute terms of endearments, not realizing that it isn’t the dirty talk you’re craving.
Dirty talk is much harder than people think it is. Harder than it really ought to be. But, just as with everything else, we can’t expect our partners to be mind readers when it comes to dirty talk. It’s near impossible to know, from person to person, what words to use to turn them on. Who knows? Maybe he dated a kitten or a flower before you; maybe the women who came before you creamed themselves over boxes. He may be doing all this because he thinks that it’s what you want.
So don’t think about it like it’s something you have to stop. Think of it as something you need to tweak. Because you like dirty talk. You want it. So stopping it is counterintuitive and will bite you in the backside. What you want is to applaud him for doing it at all, while subtly teaching him exactly how you, specifically, like it done.
You need to talk to him. Talk dirty to him. Give him the words you want him to use. Every time he says he wants to stick something in your box or pollinate your flower or pet your kitten or whatever, repeat it back to him using your words. Ask him if he wants to fuck your pussy or come in your cunt or stroke your clit. Get him to repeat the words back to you. Hopefully, he’ll get in the habit of hearing and using the words you want without him feeling like you’re judging him for his less-than-inspiring appellations.
Or, all else fails, you could always ask him, if he gets to call your pussy a kitten, does that mean you get to call his cock a chick?
– Pip, Your Resident Deviant Nerd
* If you have a sex, kink, love, or life question for The Deviant Nerd, email Pip at PipJones.DeviantNerd@gmail.com.
And read more about Pip’s story in Brought to You By.