Monday, August 3, 2015

"I am an adult. Being strapped down doesn’t change that."

I've talked before about personal responsibility and how it's often misrepresented in BDSM relationships, particularly ones that involve intense power dynamics and/or risks.

I just wanted to share this take on it as well, since it was so beautifully written:
"I am an adult. Being strapped down doesn’t change that. It is literally my ass on the line , and I believe this is true of anyone who submits or bottoms. It is ALWAYS your ass on the line, every scene, every relationship. If you think that because you’re bottoming this is not so, I strongly recommend you step back for a while.
This calculated risk though is not unique to our play. So much of our lives involves calculating risks, and doing things anyway. All things can be dangerous. When we drive to work, we’re consenting to possibly getting in an accident. Eating at that sketchy food cart because it smells good and it’s cheap. Riding horses, taking medications, getting into and jumping out of airplanes, going sailing. If we want to be perfectly safe all the time, we need to stay in our homes and never leave. Our lives are precious and short and we want to have them as long as we can. But living them, in spite of the risks is so important. That’s one of the things I love most about BDSM. After a hard scene, scary or painful, I feel so alive, so present, so grateful to be here and breathing. It reminds me that I AM alive and that my body is a wonderful gift that I should use instead of just saving in case it breaks." 

I definitely recommend reading the full piece.

As well as this one, that talks about how we need to better discuss the active choice being made when a person chooses to submit to another person. It's not something that happens by accident. It's not something that happens because it's inevitable. It's, for better or for worse (though I optimistically hope it's for the better), a conscious and hopefully well thought out choice. "I’ve never actually met a single submissive man for whom submission means that they will submit to random women, people they don’t know, the checkout operator at the supermarket, that stranger in the gas station, those people at work, that lady driving past, the neighbour next door, ANYONE. It’s patently stupid."

Top, bottom, switch, or otherwise, we all make our choices because we are adults. If you believe this to be untrue, please examine why you believe that. Because, whatever your intention behind it, misguided protection or bid for some kind of high ground, ask yourself if maybe underneath all the intentions there might be prejudice that thinks, like children in need of outside guidance or interference, we don't deserve our chance to choose.

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