Monday, May 5, 2014

Can Having A Big Penis Hurt Your Relationship?

So I did the trickily-related, Upworthy, taggy title on my last post about story types, Does Size Really Matter? I know; I'm sorry.

But I find it unutterably fantastic that I then discovered that DNews did this story about how larger penises are causing a lot of relationship strife.

Turns out that penis-size really does matter. Just not in the way you think. Personally, I love that "for every extra inch of length of her husband's penis, the likelihood that the wife would cheat increased by almost 1.5 times."

Not that these women cheated--definitely not a fan of that--but that all my friends, male and female, who were so obsessed about huge penis-sizes, were statistically proven to be wrong.

Bigger is not always better.

In fact, from my own experience, more sexually aware women who know what arouses them and what turns them on and who've been with a range of men's sizes prefer more average-sized men. Which, according to the BJU International journal of urology, "the average size of a penis is 5.16 inches (13.12 centimeters) in length when erect, and 4.5 inches (11.66 cm) in circumference. In a flaccid state, it found, the penis of the average Joe is all of 3.6 inches (9.16 cm) in length and has a girth of 3.6 inches (9.31 cm)."

Because, on a whole, it's hard to find men who know enough about female pleasure to ensure that the female partners they're with are ready and receptive to sex. And, to be honest, it's hard to find women who are knowledgeable and vocal enough about their own pleasure to do the same.

Which means average sizes tend to win out. These not-too-big, not-too-small, Goldilocks of penis-havers just don't need to work as hard. They can be, well, average and still be a good lay without leaving a string of unsatisfied or, worse, pained lovers behind.

So where does that leave these outliers? Are smaller and larger men just out of luck? 

No, of course not.

Again, from personal experience, small, average, or big; if you're creative, size really shouldn't matter all that much. If your penis isn't your partner's preferred size, chances are good foreplay is your best friend.

Too big shouldn't be a problem because the vaginal canal is made to self-lubricate and stretch. The trick is you've got to help it along. If you're worried that you're too big for your partner or that your partner is too big for you, increase the amount of foreplay you do prior to penetration. And not necessarily only in duration of time. Foreplay should never be thought of as a timed race; it's something that takes as long as it takes. If it's taking too long for you, switch it up. Find other ways--positions, techniques, toys, lubes--that may help pick up the pace.

Because, if you're not doing the things that actually turn your partner on, you're spending a lot of time doing a lot of nothing for absolutely no one.

In much the same way, too small shouldn't be a problem either because, no matter what size your penis is, I'll bet your tongue, fingers, and fists are sizable enough to get the job done. And if, for whatever reason they're not, that's what toys were invented for. Lucky for everyone that, for centuries, people have found the ingenious, creative spirit to make toys in pretty much every shape, size, and function. Whatever your size, enjoy!

The fact is, despite what this study says, skill much more than size makes a lover desirable. Skill and an ability and willingness to adapt are going to do far more to keep you and your partner sexually satisfied than anything else. 

After all, knowing and doing what turns you and your partner on should always be the ultimate goal of sex; otherwise, why are you doing it? But unfortunately, 30% of women in the US reported some level of pain during sex.

And that shit ain't right.

So, big or small, penis-haver or vagina-owner, we should all be looking and working toward fixing that statistic. 

One pleasurable encounter at a time. 

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