This story, from Deep Desires Press features characters from my
novel The Taming School from
Sizzler Editions. It does
happen after the novel so, if you like it, please check my
novel The Taming School to discover how Kat and Peter got
together. Please, enjoy.
“What
do you want from me, Peter?” Kat Valdez spat back at her boyfriend—now
fiancé—as she pushed up from the table to pace the dining room.
She
did not have time for this fight. She’d known that it’d been brewing, that
they’d both bitten their tongues about it for too long now. But, with just a
week until her novel came out and a million things to do before then, she did
not need this right now.
“This
is my dream,” she said as she leaned against the sink, holding her pounding
head in her hand. “My book launches in a week; I’m sorry if you feel
neglected,” she said, trying—and failing—to keep the sneer from her voice, as
she crossed her arms over her chest, “but what am I supposed to do? Drop
everything—when I’m already swamped and behind schedule—because you’re feeling
insecure?”
“I’m
not asking that,” Peter Richards insisted, pushing his uneaten food aside. “I
know you’re busy.” He shook his head and he threw his hands out. “You’re always
busy. You’ve been busy for the past three months.” Ticking off his fingers, he
said, “Too busy to go out. Too busy to stay in. Too busy for me. Too busy to
help me plan our goddamned wedding.”
He
sat back, running his hands through his thick, brown hair. “Jesus, Kat, I know
this is important to you—and I think I’ve been incredibly supportive—but I
hardly ever see you.”
That
wasn’t true. She pouted as she tapped her toe against the tile. They saw each
other every freaking day; how much more could they see each other?
“Living
together was supposed to bring us closer,” he said with a shake of his head.
“But, if you’re not at work, you’re locked in your office with your laptop.
Everyday—everyday—you get up, grab food, go to your regular job, come home,
work on your novel or promotion or whatever, then fall asleep.” He sighed as he
pushed his thin-framed glasses higher on the bridge of his nose. “The only time
I get to spend any time with you at all is when you’re unconscious.”
“It’s
just one more week,” she said. But even she knew that wasn’t true. After
publication came promotion, which was never-ending. Especially since she wasn’t
going through a big publishing company and had little more than her own money,
effort, and drive behind her. Kat bit her lip, tugging at the full flesh
hesitantly.
It
wasn’t that she didn’t see his point. She did know that she’d been distant
lately. Unavailable. Absent. But this whole process was just more stressful,
more confusing, and more consuming than she’d imagined it would be in all the
daydreaming she’d done. The hand-wringing and second-guessing about every step
and decision along the way alone took up a ridiculous amount of time.
It
just didn’t leave a lot of time for much else.
Even
Peter.
Whom
she loved. She did. She would never have agreed to marry him, if she hadn’t.
Wouldn’t have moved in with him or spent the past year with him, if she hadn’t.
It
was just rotten timing.
She’d
been sending her novel off to publishers for months. Getting pretty used to
rejection—or worse, just a silent, absent no—she’d
been feeling pretty low.
Depressed,
actually. Crippling self-doubt had crept inside her head, sure that she’d never
make it. Because she wasn’t any good. Because she wasn’t special. Because she
wasn’t meant to be anything but some pompous ass’s office grunt.
And
then Peter had proposed.
She
hadn’t even seen it coming. They hadn’t been together all that long. A little
more than a year now.
But
she loved him. When she thought about the rest of her life, she thought of him.
She wanted to marry him. She did.
But
not when she felt like such a failure. They lived in his house. They lived off his income. They were
living his life. And
while she knew that Peter would never lord it over her, that he wanted to share
that life with her, it felt too much like she had nothing worth giving in
return. She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t ask him to do that. Not when she—no
matter how long they’d been together—still never felt good enough for him.
And
then the email came. Less than a week after their engagement. A small, digital
publisher wanted to take her manuscript.
She
still felt guilty over the fact that a part of her—a small part—was more
excited by that email than the beautiful ring Peter had given her. That, in a
way, it was offering her something more. The chance to be more.
“Sometimes,”
Peter said wearily, “it seems like you really don’t want to get married.”
“Of
course I do,” she said on a sigh. Of course she did. She loved him. “But this
is such a big opportunity for me.” Please, understand. “I have to take it.”
Now. Otherwise she’d regret it for the rest of her life.
“What
about me?” he asked. “While you’re busy living your dream, where does that
leave me? We haven’t been on a date in months. We haven’t had sex for longer
than that. I can’t even remember the last time we played together. Where do we
exist in this big opportunity of yours?” He shook his head as he muttered under
his breath, “Do we even exist in it at all?”
His
tone—his posture, the look on his face—felt like a slap, a strike to the soul.
“Are you asking me to choose?” she asked. “Between you and my career?”
“It’s
not a career, Kat,” he said, exasperated, as he stood up, turning his back on
her. “You talk about it like you’re the next Ann Rice. It’s a tiny, startup
company that no one’s ever heard of. It’s sucking up all your time. You’re
putting everything else—your job, our friends, me, our life—on hold and there’s
no real guarantee that anything is even going to come of it.” He threw his
hands up frustratedly. “And I just can’t understand why you’re willing to throw
us—and everything we’ve spent a year building—away because of it.”
Kat just
stared at him, not believing the words that were coming out of his mouth.
She
wasn’t an idiot.
She
knew the reality of what this was. She knew that the publisher who signed her
wasn’t exactly Harper Collins She might dream about waking up tomorrow to find
that she somehow made it on the New York Times’ Best Sellers List, but she did
know that wasn’t going to happen. This wasn’t her big break; it was barely a foot
in the door. She knew that.
She
wasn’t stupid. And she hated the idea that he could even think that.
She
also knew that she had a good life. Right now. As it stood. She may not love
her job, but it paid the bills. She had the very best friends. She was engaged
to be married to the man of her dreams. She had an awesome sex life where she
got to realize her every dirty, fun, kinky fantasy while making his come true
too. Life was good, book deal or not.
But
did that mean that she had to give up her hopes and aspirations—the dream she’d
held in her heart since she was a child—because good was good enough? Did she
have to downplay—or even dismiss—her long-held dreams to hold on to her
newfound ones?
“I’m
not the one calling it quits, Peter,” she said, trying to hold back her tears.
“I’m not the one who thinks it’s an either/or situation.” She sniffed as she
turned away, pushing herself away from the counter as she tried to find her
resolve. “But, if you’re asking me to choose,” she shrugged and shook her head
as she turned to walk upstairs, saying sadly, “neither of us are going to be
very happy with my choice.”
Least
of all her.
———
Peter
woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, a stomach full of regret,
and apologies like morning breath on his tongue, only to find Kat was already
gone.
Too
early for her to have left for work, he knew that she’d left so she wouldn’t
have to see him. Which was great. Just great.
They
had to talk. He’d been an ass last night. He knew that. He hadn’t meant to be.
That wasn’t his intention, when he’d started the discussion. He’d just wanted
to know if she’d looked into the list of wedding reception sites he’d sent her.
How it’d all gotten out of hand was beyond him.
He
groaned miserably as he got up to grab a cup of coffee before heading upstairs
to his own office to work. But, when he took his mug from cupboard, he saw
there was a note folded up and left inside.
“Peter,
You
were right. It’s just too much right now, trying to juggle everything all at
once. I need to focus and I can’t do that here. It’s tearing at us both.
So I
went to work early today to finish some things up before the weekend. I also
called work and my parents last night; I’m taking the next week off. Going up
to see my parents, stay with them for the book launch.
You
were right. I think we both need time to think—really think hard—about where we
fit in each other’s lives going forward. We shouldn’t be talking about marriage
until we know how our relationship will work from now on.
Or
whether it even works at all.”
Peter
could almost read her hesitation as she ended the letter, “Love, Kat,”
wondering if—hoping like hell—those words were still true.
He
checked his mug again, seeing his ring—an emerald instead of a diamond sat at
its golden heart because his Katherina deserved better than the average.
Deserved something she would know—would recognize at first sight—as hers.
God,
he loved her so much. For a year now, she’d been working her way inside him.
No,
not even working. She hadn’t done anything except be herself; this beautiful,
amazing, sexy-as-hell creature he no longer knew how to be without.
As
he pocketed the ring, he knew—in the most elemental, visceral way—that, if he
ever lost her, a part of him would always walk around broken. Peter shook his
head as he crumpled up her note. He couldn’t lose her.
But
he just didn’t know how to keep her either.
Read Part Two Here
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