Thursday, March 8, 2018

Learning to See My Failures as a Kind of Success

This is something that I struggle with A LOT. Fear of failure is so deeply embedded in my psyche that, when I think back on almost every one of my successes, I can trace them back to an almost self-destructive, "fuck-it" moment that made me risk failure because the fear of something else--fear of death or loneliness caused by the loss of a loved one or a break up or a breakdown--had so overwhelmed me that it, for a moment, overshadowed my fear of failure.

It shouldn't take that level of anxiety to take a risk. To chance fulfilling a dream.

The dream should be enough.

So much so that taking that risk of failure should be seen as a success in and of itself. So much so that every failure, every rejection or project that falls through or falls short, should be seen as an achievement and a chance for improvement and opportunity to learn. Each failure is proof that I tried, which is more than I can say of myself before I failed.

I still struggle with this. A lot. But I'm trying to be better about it and I'm trying to see that, in and of itself, as a kind of success.

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