Sunday, October 22, 2017

Be More Interesting Than Her Phone

I've been seeing a bunch of different versions, ranging from sincere to whiny af, from guys asking, "well, then, how should I approach women I'm interested in?"

And my gut instinct is to say: just don't. There are better ways to do this dating thing. There are dating sites and singles events and bars and clubs and getting set up by a mutual friend. There are countless other ways to find people who are also actively looking for someone to date, which significantly increases your odds as opposed to just taking a shot in the dark with a stranger you saw on the street.

But, hey, some people like long odds and who am I to judge your gambling habits?

So, if I HAD to give a piece of advice, here it is: be more interesting than her phone.

Not an easy task, I know. You're not just competing with other men, you're going up against work emails and personal emails, calls from family and texts from friends. You've got to compete with Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, YouTube, and mobile games. Not to mention ebooks, digital streaming services, online shopping, and just the worldwide web as a whole.

Talk about long odds!

Yeesh, well, okay, if it's that difficult, is there ANYTHING I can advise on HOW to be that interesting?

Depends on the person you're approaching.


What I find interesting, someone else might not. Something they find fascinating might bore me to tears. And always keep in mind, their phone is likely already tailored to their interests; when you're choosing to approach someone, you're often choosing to start from scratch.

Ask yourself: what would interest me, if a stranger were approaching me? And, if all that takes is a willing female who finds you attractive...you ever think maybe THAT'S why women find you boring? Dude, if all you've got to talk to me about is how hot you think my boobs, butt, eyes, smile, hips, legs, cheekbones, feet, tummy, etc. are...how do I break this to you? The pedometer on my phone is still more interesting than you. I mean, what do you expect us to say to that? "Thank you; this is the millionth time someone has unsolicitedly commented on my [insert body part here] but, when you do it, it really stands out." Most people want to feel attractive, it's true. But this does not do that. You'd think it would but, like with comedy, the lines lose their punch after the first few times.

Be more interesting than my retread.

Want to be interesting to a particular person? Find out their interests. You want to figure out their interests? You know, pretty sure people's online dating profiles contain that. Convenient!

Don't get me wrong I've seen cold approaches work. Hell, I've had it happen to me! But, even when they're pleasant, phone-defeating experiences, they still won't guarantee you a date at the end of them.

Because that's not how social interactions work. There is no cheat code to success. No person owes you a yes. No one even owes you a shot. You are never owed anyone's attention. Ever.

And here's one last bit of advice that's not always true but it's a good bet to live by: the more you expect a yes from someone, the more you feel entitled to one, the less likely you are to get one.

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