I hate this so much. Canadian Justice Robin Camp acquitted a rapist, telling the victim that “Sex and pain sometimes go together. That's not necessarily a bad thing.” And adding, “Sex is very often a challenge.”
Don't ever use the existence of ethical, safe, and sane BDSM between consensual partners to justify the horrific crime of rape. Don't even insinuate it. They may look the same to people who willfully want to misunderstand them, but they are polar opposites.
It's true that pain and sex and power exchange can go together. Very pleasurably.
But consent is what makes that true. Consent, in the kink world (and the vanilla world, as well), is king. Without consent, sex--even the most vanilla, socially acceptable sex--is rape. Without active and enthusiastic consent, whatever the action, it's a violation.
Thankfully, the Alberta Appeal Court has ordered a new trial for the man Camp acquitted after hearing from the victim that, during the trial, Camp “made comments asking me why didn’t I close my legs or my ankles together. ... What did he expect me to say to something like that?” Also, saying, “I hate myself that I let that happen and I let that judge speak to me that way.”
No one should ever feel that way. And it is disgustingly disheartening that we keep having to have this conversation.
Just, please, stop.