Loopholes - Part Two

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CHAPTER FIVE: LOOPHOLES - PART TWO

Hours later, Azel looked down at Harri asleep against his shoulder, the movie they’d been watching long forgotten. She wasn’t a cute sleeper. Her slack lips puffed out snuffling breaths as her squished face tried to bury itself in his shirt. He grinned, sorely tempted to wrap his wing around her like a blanket and sleep too.

But they’d likely both regret that in the morning. For a multitude of reasons. Not the least being sleeping while sitting up, with his winged back against the couch all night, would kill his shoulders. He stared at her and wondered what he should do. 

With any other client, they would want him to — expect him to — intimately wake them with his hands, his mouth, his body. 

He very much doubted Harri would appreciate that. Oh, there was a part of her that had thought about it — dreamed and longed for it — he didn’t need demonic powers to know that. Not when she sometimes looked at him with hotly flushed cheeks and wide, scandalized eyes filled with sensual secrets so clear he swore humans must see them.

But, he was finding that with Harri, wanting didn’t mean willing. And, when he touched her — if he ever touched her like he suddenly found himself thinking about doing more than he ought to admit — he wanted her to welcome it. Welcome him, without shame or hesitation or regret. He couldn’t pin down exactly when it’d begun — at the party, in the park, from that very first moment he saw her at that table drinking her sorrows away with soda — but he wanted to know what it would be like to touch someone — to touch her — without consequences. Until he could do that, he wouldn’t touch her at all.

So, with a sigh, he carefully untangled himself from her and gently eased her down onto the couch cushions. He grabbed the duvet from his bed and covered her with it. Like he’d told her, he didn’t really get warm or cold, but she would and he liked seeing her comfortable. After setting her glasses on the side table and tucking her in, he stood and stretched before heading to his own bed to sleep.

He shouldn’t have been surprised when he dreamed of her. He hadn’t been with anyone intimately since the amnesty. Hadn’t had the time or energy for it. Hadn’t seen the point of it either. How long had it been? Years. Maybe more than a decade. Like he’d said, time felt different to those like him, but even he knew he’d been alone and touch-starved for too long. 

And, with Harri sleeping yards away from him, with nothing but slumber and a door between them, of course, he’d dreamed of her. Soft skin beneath staid clothes. Heated breaths and sweetly strained sounds. And those eyes. Dark and deep, they sparkled with a tremblingly daring desire so strong he felt it like a sensual sweep against his skin. In the fantasy, her touch sought his pleasure, just as much as his assured hers. She caressed and cared for every inch of him, not just a client to be pleased but a partner who longed to please. On an aching moan, he woke with his hand on his cock, a poor substitute for the stroke he sought.

He shouldn’t have touched himself. But with his mind still full of her, he couldn’t help himself. Had talked himself into believing it was a good idea. Better to ease himself now, than greet her while this needless lust still rode him. She deserved better from him. Even as he finished into his own clenched fist, Katie’s words — Nate’s words — rang in his head as he swallowed his own groans. She deserved better than him. He’d tell her that today. And then he’d say goodbye.

Yet, the minute he saw her still cuddling his covers on his couch, he realized his mistake. He stared, dumbstruck, at her wrapped up in his scent, her body thoroughly touching bedding that had nightly touched his own.

Fuck.

He had no idea how long he stood there in his entryway, just looking at her like some pervert while she slept but, when her eyes blinked open on a yawn, he forced himself to smile at her, hoping he looked friendly and not nearly as feral as he felt. “Good morning.” Suddenly self-conscious, he looked down at himself. He was glad he’d thrown on jeans before leaving his room, the thick denim doing its damnedest to hide his growing erection. Damn it, it really had been too long. He turned quickly and headed for the kitchen. “I can’t promise much, but I have eggs and coffee, if you want some.”

She sat up, still wrapping his comforter around herself. “That sounds great; thanks.”

Busying himself with coffee grounds and water, he pressed his groin into the counter punishingly. “So do you have any plans for today? Anything you have to do? Want to do?” Not you, he admonished his annoyingly needy dick, so don’t even think about it.

She stood up, still trailing his duvet about her like a queen’s cape, as she took a seat at his table. “Nothing in particular. I want to check on some work stuff.” She peeked beneath the blankets ruefully. “Change clothes at some point.”

Pointedly not thinking too hard about her body beneath that blanket, beneath her sleep-rumpled clothes, Azel started on the eggs. “You’re going into the office on a weekend?”

She shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time, but I can probably do what I need to do on my phone.” She bit her lip, stiffening awkwardly. “Why? Do you have plans?” She moved to stand. “You must.” She shook her head. “I can get out of your hair.”

He turned around to face her. “Hey, I said you could stay as long as you like and leave when you please.” He nodded to the chair she was half-in and half-out of. “I meant it.” The idea of keeping her here, surrounded by his things… well, it didn’t sound too bad. Not for him. He was sure she’d want to go back home eventually — of course, she would — but, with her in it, his home felt… less lonely, less empty. He liked it. Probably more than he should.

Maybe Harri wasn’t the only one who needed to find a real relationship.

“And, if you want,” he offered, “I could come with you to your place, so you can grab some clothes and whatever else you might need.”

Harri let out a little gleeful laugh. “Oh God, I can just imagine Nate’s face, if I showed up in last night’s clothes with you.” She shook her head. “It’d almost be funny, if I wouldn’t have to then worry about him running immediately to spread the news to everyone we’d ever met.”

Azel winced. Yeah, the last thing she needed was gossip that she’d spent the night with a creature like him — however innocent the truth of it might actually be. Not that that mattered. A woman like her didn’t belong with someone like him and the world was sure to let her know it. 

Oh, right. This was why he didn’t do relationships.

“I don’t suppose I could just borrow something from you,” she asked him sweetly. “Doesn’t have to be anything fancy. A t-shirt or flannel. Pajama bottoms or boxers. Anything really; I’m not picky. Just something clean that I haven’t spent all night in.”

God, the idea of her in his clothes! Why did that make him hot? He was a goddamned sex demon who’d done unspeakable things to countless people for more years than he cared to keep track of, yet this was what got him all hot and bothered? Ridiculous. 

He coughed and turned off the stove. Moving to plate their meal, he nodded before handing Harri her breakfast. “I’m sure I can find something that will fit you.”

An hour later, he sat at his kitchen table, absolutely job searching and certainly not stealing glances at Harri lounging on his couch on her back in a t-shirt and boxers. His t-shirt and boxers. With one foot tapping against the armrest and the other kicked straight up along the back cushions, while her fingers sped across her phone screen. His gaze traced the lines and curves of her legs and arms before they disappeared beneath his oversized clothes, wondering how she could seem so at ease. Not just in that position — that hurt his back to just look at — but in his home, which was nothing compared to her sprawling, impeccably furnished one. She shouldn’t fit here. With him and his thrown-together, used things. She shouldn’t look so comfortable — so lazily perfect — in his worn-out, threadbare clothes.

But she did. Fully engrossed in her element, she was happily working away. Without worry or stress, she seemed lighter, brighter. For a demon who fed on the restlessness of humans, it was uncommonly nice to see her at peace. Stranger still that she could do so — be so — while working. Jobs, income, livelihoods, those things agonized him. Agonized most people, from what he’d gleaned from the internet and media and the people he’d talked to. But Harri loved her job. Seemed to rather be doing that — whatever it was that she did — than anything else.

He supposed back when he’d been doing deals, rather than serving drinks or selling knickknacks or whatever minimum wage job he’d managed to land at the moment, he hadn’t hated his work. Had often quite enjoyed himself. Not just the act — which could certainly be quite pleasurable, depending — but the knowledge that he had a purpose, a reason for being, and was good at it. It’d been rewarding in its own way.

And, looking at her now, this was clearly her purpose. It lent surety to her shoulders and gave a razor sharp edge to her analytical gaze. Yet another side of her that Azel wanted to study, to know. He wondered how often she got to be like this. He liked that he got to be the one who could give it to her. This tiny moment of respite. With no undue expectations. No overbearing demands. A space and time to just be wholly herself.

He straightened when she jerked at an alert on her phone. She frowned and sat up, suddenly looking too prim, too proper, and thoroughly uncomfortable with her feet planted on the floor. He leaned in. “What is it?”

She shook her head, but couldn’t seem to take her eyes off her phone. “Emma posted pictures of us singing last night.”

His brow furrowed, not understanding why that would cause that kind of reaction in her. “Is that bad?”

She bit her lip. “…No.”

But…

He could hear the word linger in the air like a heavy cloud of unease. She worried her lip. “Nate tagged me in a comment on it.”

Azel stood up to head over to the couch, his gaze narrowing and his fists clenching. “Did he say something bad?”

She shook her head, self-doubt spilling into her eyes that a second ago had been full of contented confidence. “No…” She shrugged, even as her lips curled in disgust. “It’s… nice… I guess.”

Azel sat down next to her. Nice wouldn’t make her look like that. “What did he say?”

Her hands clutched her phone so fiercely it was a wonder she didn’t crack the glass as she stared at the screen. She lifted her shoulder again in a deliberately dismissive gesture before reading in a calculatedly calm voice. “‘Looking good. But then you always look good to me whether on a stage in front of a crowd or,’” she swallowed hard before continuing, “‘just waking up next to me first thing in the morning.’”

Azel frowned down at her phone screen. She was right. It wasn’t mean or nasty. Wasn’t even passive aggressive or snide. It was… nice. Sweet, really. The kind of message that, if they were dating, was meant to make her smile.

But they weren’t dating.

Azel forced his jaw to relax, not really understanding why — other than the fact that it came from that arrogant pissant — the comment made him feel so… unsettled, before looking at Harri again. “Huh, well…” What did he say to that? “That’s…” He pursed his lips and scratched his horn. Oh, hell, he clearly didn’t understand humans enough to know what to say to that. He shook his head, figuring he ought to just ask. “What are you thinking?”

She took a deep breath. “I don’t really know.” She shut off her phone and set it down. “It’s… fine, right?” She wrinkled her nose as her whole body tensed next to him. “It’s not negative. Or obscene. It doesn’t violate TOS. It’s… complimentary. Flattery.” Her voice was matter-of-fact. Just stating blank truths. It was as if she was trying to convince herself. 

He tilted his head sympathetically. “But not all flattery feels flattering.” He understood that all too well.

She swallowed hard and peeked up at him, as if afraid of what he thought of her. As if she was worried he would judge her. As if someone like him ever could. Sensing there wasn’t any reproach from him, she nodded slightly, before scrunching up her whole face and shaking her head harshly. “It’s just he knows I don’t like to be tagged online. I don’t like drawing a lot of attention to myself. I rarely post, using it mostly to keep up with what my friends and family are up to.” With every word, her voice got louder, her speech faster, as if the bubbling anger within her was boiling up to the surface. “And to say that!” She waved at the now dark screen of her phone, as if Nate’s words had permanently etched themselves across the surface. “It’s something a partner says to another, not an ex.” She stood up and walked toward the window, like she needed space. “Not even that! I would never want someone — anyone — to say something like that to me. To say something like that about me. Not like that. It’s like announcing to my entire family and friends — and coworkers and clients, for God’s sake — that we had sex.”

Made worse since it certainly made it sound like they were still having sex. Like they still shared that kind of intimacy. Like Nate still held that part of her in his hands.

Azel felt his fingers curl into fists again, the frustrated anxiety in her voice grating his nerves as he pictured the face of the man who’d put that tone there and exactly what Azel would love to do to him right now. “What do you want to do about it?”

Harri turned to him, confused. “Do?” She shrugged. “I mean, I can’t report him; he didn’t technically do anything wrong.” She curled in on herself, tucking her chin in close to her chest. “I mean, I suppose I could request to have the comment deleted or at least have myself untagged. But that feels…” She shrugged. “Petty? Like an overreaction, maybe?”

Azel studied her, her unsure posture, the way even her own wavering words wondered if she had the right to feel her own emotions. “Would that make you feel better?”

She turned away, crossing her arms over her chest as she shook her head. “I should just forget about it, right? It’s just a silly social media comment. Just one more meaningless thing for people to mindlessly scroll through, right?” They both turned as her phone screen lit up, showing that someone had liked Nate’s comment. Harri winced slightly. “It’s nothing.” Her voice was quieter, lower, somehow even less convincing. “Nothing.”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “But would it make you feel better?”

She looked at him, her blinking eyes wide behind her glasses, as if asking him for permission. Which was ridiculous. She didn’t need permission to do anything, much less his. Who the hell was he to tell her to do anything? Some archaically useless sex demon struggling to eke out a living off a fraction of what she could make by being the effortless genius she was. Hell, he was really only good for one thing and he wasn’t even allowed to do that anymore. He could barely keep the shambles of his own life together; what could she possibly need from him?

Her phone lit up again with more likes — even a new comment filled with heart-eyed emojis — making her cringe.

He sighed and picked up her phone. Maybe she didn’t need his permission, but she certainly looked like she could use someone — anyone in her life — who would support her. 

He tilted his head thoughtfully and held the device out to her. “If deleting it — getting it off your page so you don’t have to keep being reminded of it with every like and comment left on it — would make you feel better,” he said with a shrug, like it was no big deal, “then you should.” Because this was what Nate wanted. He wanted her to think of him every time her phone dinged. He wanted to remain relevant in her life, to always stay a notification alert away from her thoughts. To never allow her the chance to move on. He’d keep using her friends and family to tie her to him, to grind down her resistance until, eventually, she just gave in. Until going back to him felt inevitable. Inescapable. 

Again, the demonic part of Azel was almost impressed. It truly was masterful manipulation. If he’d still been in the contract business, he would have been taking notes.

But the part that was getting to know Harri — who was learning how private she was, how guarded, because she’d been taught too many times by too many people in her life not to trust others with the too tender parts of herself, lest they be used against her… He bit back a growl. “You might want to block him too, so you don’t have to keep worrying about him doing this kind of thing again.” Nate had already done it once. And, if she deleted the comment now, he would know it’d rattled her. He’d do it again — and again and again — knowing it would eventually get enough of a rise out of her to force her to talk to him about it. 

Azel shook his head, still holding the phone out to her as she stared at it like it might bite her. “It’s up to you. But, if it makes you feel safer or less stressed, that’s really all that matters. It’s your account; you’re the one who should get to decide who and how people interact with you on it. If someone — anyone — is making you feel uncomfortable, block ‘em. Who needs that in their life?” Living was hard enough. “There’s so much in life you can’t control.” Like needing food or shelter and not being able to find a job that could pay enough to afford them. Or having someone you’d rather forget desperately cling to some obsession with you. “Seize the things you can control. And don’t apologize for it.”

For God’s sake, she used her phone to work — to do the one thing that made her feel good about herself — and that asshole had found a way to take even that away from her. And humans called Azel evil.

Harri blinked furiously, her mind processing his words, sorting them out like calculations in that fascinating brain of hers. He could feel the idea form and fit and grow within her, giving her her strength back. Finally, she straightened, her shoulders thrown back defiantly, as she marched back to take her phone from him. She nodded as her fingers flew over the touchscreen decisively. “There.” She nodded, huffing out an assertive breath. “Deleted and blocked.”

Azel smiled. “Feel better?”

Her shoulders relaxed, as if a weight she hadn’t been aware she was carrying had been lifted, and her own grin tugged at her lips. “Yeah.” Her voice sounded pleased and a little bit surprised. “I do.”

“Good.” Azel stood up. “How about we order some lunch then—”

They both turned as her phone rang. Azel’s breath caught as Harri’s shaky hand lifted her phone to see who was calling. She sighed. “It’s just work.” She held up a finger and walked away a bit. “I’ll just be a second. Order whatever you want; I’ll eat just about anything.”

Azel shrugged and pulled up the delivery app on his phone. He’d search for some options to give her, but he wasn’t so hungry he couldn’t just wait for her to finish a work call before putting in an order. Seemed a simple enough thing to make sure she got something she actually wanted to eat.

“Why are you calling my office line?”

Azel looked up from the Indian menu he’d been considering when he heard Harri’s professionally polite voice harden harshly. The second he met her gaze, saw the strained tension there, he knew immediately who was on the other end. “Nate?” he mouthed.

She nodded, looking too helpless for Azel’s liking.

He shrugged before whispering, “Put it on speaker?” It might not be bad to have a witness. After all, he and Harri were in this together.

She shrugged too before thumbing her screen. Nate’s voice filled the room. “—I supposed to do? You’ve been screening my calls on your cell phone for weeks, Harri, and now you blocked me? What other choice did I have but to call your office line?” He tsked, disappointment clear in the sound. “At least I know you always answer when work calls.” The man’s pout was audible even as he sighed. “I know we’re going through a rough patch, but we can’t even be friends online anymore? Really?”

She bit her lip and looked away, shame and self-recrimination clear on her face. Fuck that. Azel got up to stand next to her, to look her in the face. He shook his head. “Don’t let him get to you,” he said, soft but sure. This guy was scolding her as if he had some right to Harri, as if she owed him her presence in his life. Yeah, no, Azel thought as he shook his head, fuck that.

Harri lifted her head and nodded. “You left me no choice. You know I don’t like being tagged online, especially on a comment like that. You know I don’t like having my personal business shared online. You can’t do that. Especially not now.”

“Like what?” Nate balked. “What did I say that was so terrible? That you look good to me? What a crime I committed! I’m so sorry I find you beautiful.” 

Doubt hesitated inside her as she jerked at his words. Azel could feel Nate’s hurt indignation seep through the speaker and stick to her resolve like acidic slime. He could practically see it wear her defenses down, making her feel responsible for his feelings. Not liking it, Azel grabbed her hand in his, reminding her that she wasn’t alone in this. Reminding her that her needs weren’t less important than Nate’s wants.

Keeping Azel’s gaze, Harri swallowed hard as she squeezed his hand tightly. “It makes me uncomfortable, Nate.” Her words were quiet but firm. “Please stop.”

Nate sighed, the sound patronizing as it rang in Azel’s ears. “Listen, Harri, I know you’re not good at knowing what you want, what you need.” He gave a little laugh, as if he found the whole thing endearing, found her attempt at building boundaries between them adorable. “That big, busy brain of yours can’t help second-guessing yourself, even when you’ve got a good thing — a sure thing — right in your hands. You can’t just allow yourself to be happy.” His tone softened, lowered into an indulgent lull, as if he was consoling or condescending to a child. “But, if you would just trust me — trust what everyone around you is telling you is true —  you could be. I could make you happy, if you would just let me.”

Azel felt a growl rumble in his throat as his wings twitched furiously. That was it. Who the fuck did this patronizing prick think he was? Harri was probably the smartest, most impressive person Azel had ever met, and this bland, unassuming doofus thought he knew her mind better than she did? Azel grunted. Grabbing the phone from Harri’s hand, he all but shouted into the speaker, “Listen, you little shit, if you don’t leave Harri alone, we’re going to have a problem. Do you understand me?”

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