Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Science is Your Best Wingman

So science proves that being able to successfully flirt is actually more effective in getting a person's attention than being physically attractive.

And, I would hope, the majority of the world collectively sighed, "Duh."

The fact of the matter is we tend to put too much of a premium on being physically attractive. On thinking that we have to look a certain way to get someone's attention. The fact of the matter is most of us aren't movie star/ model/ athlete attractive. And we're never gonna be. Worrying about it or lamenting it or trying to conform to it won't help much.

I always think it's funny that one of the most common things people comment about, when they talk about my stories, is that none of my characters are classically, genre-adheringly attractive. Yes, that's on purpose. Because I find it ridiculous that we tend to only tell stories about unrealistically good-looking people falling in love. At best, we tell stories about one unrealistically good-looking person falling in love with an average-looking person.

When did having ripped abs or a thigh gap become a requirement to finding a date? Why are those the only people we hear about falling in love? The rest of us do it; where are our stories?

And, so often, I hear the retort that, well, readers/ viewers only want to consume stories about pretty people, because pretty people are more interesting. Except exactly what is all that interesting about a pair of rippling biceps falling for a pair of big tits? Or a chiseled jawline falling for a tiny waist?

The important bits--the part that should carry a story, be it fiction or real life--shouldn't be the aesthetics of a person. We need to shift our priorities to something else. Something more meaningful than BMIs and body ratios.

But people are visual creatures, right? We're attracted to physical things first, right?

Yes. That's absolutely correct. I'm a big believer in the idea that, if you're in a romantic, sexual relationship with another person, you should and want to be physically and sexually attracted--and attractive--to your partner. But you don't need an underwear model's body to do that.

You'd be amazed at the things we as humans can find physically attractive. Personally, I find movement very sexy. How a person walks and sits and lays tells you a lot about that person. Are they comfortable with their body? Are they confident? Are they respectful or presumptuous? Do they let the world happen around them or do they like to have their hand in how it works? These, more than the actual bodies parts in question, are the physicalities that decide whether or not I'm physically attracted to a person.

Listen to the tips researchers found most effective. Don't use pick-up lines; have a conversation. Pay attention to body language and vocal tones. Yours as well as theirs. 

Essentially, science is telling us, whatever we look like, to be interesting and be interested. Did we really need a study for that?

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