Thursday, June 27, 2013

Why is Sex So Scary?

So I'm a sexually open person. Sex-positive. Sexually confident. Sexual. Flirty. I like sex. I love sex. I enjoy a great deal of sexual activities, from flirting to fucking. While not the entirety of my persona, my sexuality is a big part of my identity. And I don't see anything wrong with that.

Yet there are so many people out there who view that--people being sexually open and enjoying a healthy and fun aspect of themselves--as inherently threatening. And I don't really understand why.

Take last night. Last night, I went to a concert and was dancing with my date. And, admittedly, I am a product of my generation so my main style of dance is essentially clothed stripping. Gyrating like some exotic dancer. All swiveling hips and undulations. And all I require from my dance partners is to be the pole I dance around.

And we were having a blast. The music was fun. The show was fantastic. The company was the best. It was a good time.

Yet there was another couple to the right of us who seemed to take great offense to our good time. Glaring at us the entire night.

For dancing.

At a concert.

That was held in a dance club.

Color me obtuse, but I don't see the problem here. I don't see what the couple to the right of us could object to. We were in no way impeding on them enjoying the concert. We weren't bumping into them. We weren't forcing them to dance with us. We weren't restraining them to their spot. It was general admission in the back of the balcony section so, even if they took offense to my style of dance, they could have just watched the concert on the right television screen rather than the left. Or they could have just moved. Sure, the place was crowded, but there were plenty of standing space just as unable to see the stage as the spot where we were. 

There were ways to fix this problem that allowed both parties to enjoy the concert. That could have let me and my date gyrate to our hearts' content AND let the other couple enjoy the concert dance-free.

Yet too often it's expected that the more sexually open person is at fault. That they're doing something wrong and inappropriate that needs to be addressed, fixed, and changed. I'm bewildered by the expectation that the sexually open should have to temper themselves, to repress and sacrifice their good time, to cater to other people. Why?

So often it's said that we're trying to impose ourselves and our way of life on other people. How? We're just trying to be ourselves. We aren't trying to convert people. Aren't trying to turn them into us. We don't involve ourselves in their business. We aren't trying to change them. We just want to be ourselves. Who's imposing on whom?

Take Google's and Amazon's new policy where they're filtering out things deemed "adult-content" under the rather lame justification that it'll keep this kind of content from popping up unintentionally for people who don't want to see it.  Except that they were already labelled--self-labelled, I might point out--as adult content, so I'm not sure how anyone could unintentionally click on it. 

All the while, oh-so-inadvertently making it harder for those who want to find this type of content or want their content found by those who want to have it.

Why do we have to hide sex? Like it's humanity's secret shame. Everyone, quite literally, owes their existence to it. Most of us will have it in, hopefully, large and lovely quantities over the course of our lifetimes. Why are we so afraid to encounter it or utter its name? 

Even if you don't personally like that kind of thing, why deny other people their joy in it? I don't like golf; I'm not looking to ban it from any and all outlets. I don't begrudge golfers their games, their culture, their clothing style, or their other accouterments. And, when I see it on TV or in a magazine or out in the wide, wide world, I do what everyone else like me does. I turn away. I do what I do and let them do what they do. Live and let live.

Why can't others do the same for us?

To all the people who are afraid of sex, please, do us all a favor and just look the other way.

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