Beauty Doesn’t Belong Just to You

Diversify your world.

I was watching one of Buzzfeed’s “people style the same article of clothing” videos, when my mom walks in and decides to give her own commentary.

Sigh.

I know, I know. Buzzfeed has lots of problems but one thing I appreciate is that they showcase people of all different races, body types, and genders. Especially their fashion videos do so in a way that celebrates that diversity, presenting everyone as beautiful, creative, and worthy.

Seeing my mother praise those with conventionally attractive bodies—feminine, conservative, thin, etc.—and deride or laugh at those who deviate from that makes me feel so gross. How sad and dull our parents’ world was, that their concept of beauty could only exist in this tiny box?

That those who don’t fit within it—including me and her, for that matter—should be seen as unworthy of being seen. How much they missed—and continue to miss—by dismissing swaths of people!

And I know I was raised the same way. And I know that I still sometimes struggle with that viewpoint—especially when it comes to my own body.

But I am so glad that, as my view of the world expanded and diversified, so did my concept of beauty. Studies show that, the more a person is exposed to diverse bodies, the more those bodies become de-stigmatized and the more diverse that person’s concept of beauty becomes. When diverse bodies are seen positively in media more, not only do we with diverse bodies get to see ourselves better but so does everyone else.

When I first joined the kink community, the body positivity movement was gaining momentum. And I remember going to parties and it feeling like a revelation to see bodies of size and people playing with gender expression as sexy and alluring. It was amazing!

Even now, whenever I hear people—often vanilla people who’ve never had experiences like that—talk about sex parties or nude beaches, it’s always in a “it sounds like an awesome fantasy but, in reality, it’s never the people you want to see there, right? hehe”

Maybe more people should try the reality. It’s better than the fantasy. And, I swear, it’ll change the way you look at everything else. Your whole reality. For the better.